I'm going home.

After these 2 months of non-stop working, finally it is time to have a good break. I stopped blogging when all the final projects set in and also when my cousins and sister came to visit. I am glad they did, because i managed to plan my time quite well between school work and travelling both weekends with them around the bay area. I felt like i was a tourist myself too. I went to places that I haven't been before. The eerie, often misunderstood Alcatraz Island, the world's curvest street-Lombard Street, eating fresh crabs,clam chowder and sweet prawns at fisherman's wharf, shopping till i "drop" at Gilroy outlet mall and many many many more!!! These were the happiest days out of the many working-like-a-bull 24/7 project days. On the contrary, it wasn't as bad. You see, after 10 or more weeks into a semester, your fuel will be way low...and the motivation steam isn't running at its optimum performance. So i didn't put it the kind of effort that i had at the beginning. :P But i'm glad I managed to finish this semester well, because i can still remember the SUPER "SWAY" (bad-luck) start i had. HAHAHHhahAH

I have been quite a Taiwanese Idol Series Addict recently. My good friend I-Wen introduced Scissor,Paper,Stone to me and I also just finished watching Wei Xiao Pasta. Both series not only helped me to relieve stress, it made me think alot about LOVE... YummMMMMYYYYyyyy.~~~~~ I like both very much....because they had great perfect endings. Does such love only exist on TV?? Sooo envious of the main female characters. But i know, fairy tales also do happen in real life. I believe such love can be felt if we live our lives observing more clearly. Don't demand too much. Because an innocent carefree heart can feel the most. :)........................ haha

Christmas Eve was quiet for me. We went out to Olive Garden for pasta(influenced by the show i just completed) and also went to twin peaks. He wanted to give me a surprise....but i caught him in the act~ so no suprise, but i'm still very happy. I was watching episode 9 while waiting for him to get me in the evening. Being alone as all my housemates went home, I'm very sensitive to the sound going on outside of my house. Hyper-sensitive!! I'll always peep out of my curtain to see who slam their car doors, be it my neighbours or just some random people. He tried to give me a surprise by parking further, and since he has a set of my house keys, he wanted to sneak in quietly and hang that Santa Claus stocking by the fire place in the living room. But, too bad, with my
alert mode on, i saw him. and the stocking. and that shocked and cheeky face. He saw me too. and he was so disappointed. because his master plan got ruin. HAHAHA He wanted to surprise me on Christmas day morning....:) well, if u are reading this, try harder next time, okay? don't give up...i'll wait for u. :)

It is going to be 8pm. I feel like eating pancake breakfast for dinner. Ihop is 24 hours. and they serve breakfast anytime. :) I need to go home soon to vacuum my room, tidy up abit, and maybe wash my bed sheets. you all know why? Because i'm coming back home.......

I had my taste of death...so close...

I went over to Berkeley today after class to get fabrics. I was super tired, so i slept during the train ride back which was 30-40 minutes. When I arrived at my stop, I had to transfer again for another tram to reach my house. Usually the wait for that tram is 5 minutes in the day to 30-never coming minutes at night. Luckily, it was coming out of its station which mean I don't have to wait at all. BUT! i have to rush. However, i was at the other side of a big road. Lots of cars because it was after school hours so many students and school buses around. I managed to J-Walk one side of the road, but the other side, I didn't look, and almost got hit!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! YES!!!!! that pick-up truck had to shriek to its stop. But what saved me was this African American guy who was also trying to rush for that tram too. He was crossing the road with me and he saw what was going on and quickly grabbed my arm. I was so shocked, my legs felt so jelly. I couldn't think. I almost died. Can you imagine if not for that guy, and if the pick-up truck didn't stop in time, I won't be here typing my blog. Linda called me, when i was on the tram, she told me I was given a 2nd chance to live.......a 2nd chance....

Many things went through my mind. If it did happen, the fabrics that i just got to make my skirt will be wasted. The things that i got when i was shopping in Gilroy will be wasted. My excitement of starting my finals project will never be fulfilled. My sister and cousin will not see me when they come back SF from their road trip. I will never go to the gym again to get fit. EVERYTHING WILL BE GONE IN THAT MINUTE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I called my mom, I needed to talk to someone...she is always the 1st in my mind. I cried, I had to, it was tears of shock, tears of how life is so fragile and tears of joy that I'm still alive. She told me to get some Jing Feng San to calm me down. I cannot be so "blur blur" anymore. If i miss this tram there is always another tram after 10 minutes. If i get killed, i'll miss everything. I'm so grateful. Thank God! :)

Extreme Busy-ness

I have been truly occupied for the past two weeks with lots of things happening. My brother visited 2 weeks ago, was trying to complete a design project, sewing a tailored jacket etc. However, I can feel that a strong fighting flame is growing ever more brightly because it is the final 3 weeks of my Fall semester!!! I am so going to complete this semester with a huge positive BANG! and enjoy my short winter break~ :)

My sister is here to visit too! Along with my cousin Peisong and his wife PeiYu, they flew in from Manchester. Despite the jet lag and bad start while transiting in Chicago, we had an awesome time shopping at Gilroy Premium Outlet mall. There was this adrenaline rush the moment we set forth South. We started at 11:30am and was only satisfied and tired by 6:45pm. Solid shopping experience. I guess the biggest winner might be my sister. she was loaded. :) I wonder why i didn't go shopping with her in Singapore when i was there in Summer. Maybe it was the heat. :P just wanted to rot at home.

They are on their way now to Las Vegas, then Grand Canyon, Death Valley, Hoover Dam.....Even though i can't join them, its okay, i'm happy because I know they are going to enjoy themselves and bring back lots of snap shots. :)

I remember the very 1st time I experienced separation anxiety in Iowa City, when my brother had to go back to Boston, and I'm all alone in "corn land". I headed to philosophy class and felt so lost and lonely. And dinner that night, was Korean instant noodles = Xin Ramen, i couldn't eat even though i was hungry. It was hard to even feel because i felt so numb. Those were the tough times when i realised I'm really on my own.

As time past, separation anxiety isn't as bad anymore. It had affected me from 3-4 months, to 3-4 days to now...maybe 3-4 hours. What is most important is that i enjoy every single moment when friends are visiting and truly, sincerely have fun. Fun times flies, that's proven by many people. So why bother to worry about this and that when everything will past. Don't take life too hard on yourself, it is too short to waste it.

Today, i walked past this walk way where some men just paved some fresh cement. Guess what, when i went home today, it was tattooed with words. Hmmm.....maybe humans lack a space to express themselves.....

Extreme Busy-ness

I have been truly occupied for the past two weeks with lots of things happening. My brother visited 2 weeks ago, was trying to complete a design project, sewing a tailored jacket etc. However, I can feel that a strong fighting flame is growing ever more brightly because it is the final 3 weeks of my Fall semester!!! I am so going to complete this semester with a huge positive BANG! and enjoy my short winter break~ :)

My sister is here to visit too! Along with my cousin Peisong and his wife PeiYu, they flew in from Manchester. Despite the jet lag and bad start while transiting in Chicago, we had an awesome time shopping at Gilroy Premium Outlet mall. There was this adrenaline rush the moment we set forth South. We started at 11:30am and was only satisfied and tired by 6:45pm. Solid shopping experience. I guess the biggest winner might be my sister. she was loaded. :) I wonder why i didn't go shopping with her in Singapore when i was there in Summer. Maybe it was the heat. :P just wanted to rot at home.

They are on their way now to Las Vegas, then Grand Canyon, Death Valley, Hoover Dam.....Even though i can't join them, its okay, i'm happy because I know they are going to enjoy themselves and bring back lots of snap shots. :)

I remember the very 1st time I experienced separation anxiety in Iowa City, when my brother had to go back to Boston, and I'm all alone in "corn land". I headed to philosophy class and felt so lost and lonely. And dinner that night, was Korean instant noodles = Xin Ramen, i couldn't eat even though i was hungry. It was hard to even feel because i felt so numb. Those were the tough times when i realised I'm really on my own.

As time past, separation anxiety isn't as bad anymore. It had affected me from 3-4 months, to 3-4 days to now...maybe 3-4 hours. What is most important is that i enjoy every single moment when friends are visiting and truly, sincerely have fun. Fun times flies, that's proven by many people. So why bother to worry about this and that when everything will past. Don't take life too hard on yourself, it is too short to waste it.

Today, i walked past this walk way where some men just paved some fresh cement. Guess what, when i went home today, it was tattooed with words. Hmmm.....maybe humans lack a space to express themselves.....

worked out~

Finallllly!!!!!!!!!!! After almost 3 months of idling, i head to the gym this morning. it was raining real lightly, but the promised i made with myself have to be fulfilled somehow. very determined. was a good work out, 25 minutes on the cardio machine and other 30 minutes resistance training. It was hard to get the momentum going. right now, (3 hours later) my whole body is aching. very very tired. I thought after working out, my body should release serotonin which helps lift my mood and gives me more energy. But honestly, i just woke up from my 2 hours nap!!! can u believe it?? haha
I felt that way before when i started going to the gym in April. but there after, i was alright. :)

I am going to start my design project research. I think it is going to be fun. Today's weather is so gloomy, very very depressing.
Can't wait for tomorrow to come!!! Its Friday and Korkor is coming in from LA~~

focuss!!

I missed sewing lesson last week. because i had to rush for a project due last Friday, and today, i don't know what to expect for class. I can't wait for this semester to be over, because i can't "tahan" this sewing teacher. She's a Japanese O-BA San! very irritating old bitch. seriously. I wish she gets fired by the end of this semester. She's new, doesn't have teaching experience and really quite bAD at what she is employed to do. this is me just trashing her! argh!!

The Four Agreements:

1) Be impeccable with your word.
2) Don't take anything personally.
3) Never make assumptions.
4) Always do your best!!!

Do not be concerned about the future. Keep your attention on today, and stay in the present moment. Just live one day at a time. Always do your best to keep these agreements.

I want to improve my emotional health, take away all the negative evils in my mind. Jealousy, anger and fear. I want to improve my physical health. Down with slight cold. but been drinking lots of cold season tea and Vitamin C water. should be fine in few more hours. I want to start my gym routine. I will go tomorrow morning! this is a promise i make with myself. :)

An aesthetic experience out of this world...

I went to watch an Indian theatre production last night with Linda. Nine Hills One Valley, at Zellerbach Hall over at UC Berkeley. It was something i've never seen before. Even for film/theatre major Linda, she hasn't seen anything like that till last night. It was about how traditions in India are gradually losing its roots due to violence and unstable social situations. I was overwhelmed by the Mothers crying and how they pour their emotions out to the audience. It was amazing how it captured my mood too. They didn't have microphones, so they had to project their voices out towards us. and even though we sat at the back, we could feel that strong and agonizing pain felt by them. it was really an eye opener for me. I truly enjoyed it and i want to start exploring these shows that are showing around here. There are really alot to see!!!!!!!!! i can't believed i've been living in my own hermit world without realising international production are brought so close to me. I just have to tap on it!

I've scanned the "ABOUT" from the program written by the director of this projection. :) enjoy~!


I was being lazy, put 2 of my nice clothes into the dryer!!! and it shrank!! :( quite a bit, now it looks funny wearing it. it looks okay, but it is shorter now. Usually i'll just take it out from the washer and air dry it in my room, i guess i wasn't thinking yesterday when i was doing my laundry. now i know. ONLY DRY MY PANITES AND HOME CLOTHES IN THE MACHINE!!!!!!!!!! :P

its getting colder in SF. my hands are and feet are freezing this moment. burrrr..r....

lalalallaa

I am so tired. taking a short break. watching bleach episode 91. The part where Ichigo confronting Bountos. :P
Finished 5 croquis(fashion quick sketch). have another 5 more to render. The very 1st semester, i needed 1 hour to render 1 sketch. Now, maybe 30 mins or so. Guess it is letting my mind free. Allowing my creativity do whatever it wants, instead of restricting it and guiding it to a specific outcome. Learning to let go is really important in art. Don't hope too much for the result, have to enjoy the process. That is when creative juices really flow. Presentation tomorrow. I think tonight i can sleep. Coz i skipped class yesterday just to finish alot. haha also korkor was in town, so it was great to have him around. :P
back to bleach....

Guess what?

I messed up my sewing project AGAIN! Out of the 3 sewing projects since the beginning of this semester, i screwed up twice and have to RESTART from scratch. The 1st time was a skirt project, i was so sad, frustrated, disappointed and CRIED so HARD when i know i had to redo. All ALONE. BUT i called my mom to tell her and she encouraged me, and i felt so much better. This time round, i am frustrated, but not as intense as the last time. Sad, but not very sad. Disappointed?? Not anymore. I am taking this as a learning process. I'm in school, i'm supposed to fail and failing is what you can do in school. I've given my best and maybe, one has to give her best TWICE or even THRICE before the right result will be achieved. Agree? In the near future, as we all enter the adult world, we are bound to meet failure and tough circumstances. By then, we shouldn't be crying anymore.(like me) We should be figuring out where the problem is and do trial and error. School is the time to polish this skill of "never giving up". I might be slower in terms of getting the grasp of sewing. But, I can feel my confidence is building up slowly with each failure. I've been figuring out difficult parts by myself and have learned much more than previous sewing classes.

Remember, Shi Pai Nai Chen Gong Zhi Mu. :) I used to have to cry, before i could stand up. Now, I can stand up. :)

Open Up

Everyone lives in their own world. They have they own goals in life and constantly, they will do lots of things to achieve their wishes. One can be selfish and work as a hermit and don't let people know what they are doing. That's alright, but if they were to enclose themselves even from their loved ones, that's dangerous. Their loved ones care about them much and want to witness their growing success. They themselves won't be involved directly with your goals but they want to feel being part of it. It isn't asking you to go around telling people your dreams, but just to your loved ones, because they are the only one who will look out for you when you can't see clearly. :)

I'm going to the doc's later. wish me luckk~~

updated photos for my personal podiatrist. hehehe :)

I am so tired now. I don't know why i've been so lethargic and lazy since the beginning of this semester. I take naps, sleep early, wake up late, rarely go gym, stay home and do homework. :( I've got to do something. I will definitely start the gym routine once i get my callus/corn/wart checked by the podiatrist on monday. But it is getting better, it isn't as hard, but, still can feel it when i walk.

Btw, sorry about the photos guys, might be disturbing, but, it is a record of what i'm going through now, it is important to me to blog it down too.

My brother sent me a short article.


After reading it, it made me reflect a little. Treating the human brain as an inbox, filled with information of that day, for instance 50 over emails per day for a working adult, deadlines, projects and tests for a student, and the endless worrisome future that is ahead of all of us. It can be quite stressful for our soul to handle. Shouldn't we too empty these strenuous thoughts and go to bed with a piece of calm mind? I wish life is so simple...like an email account.






Thank you Carol! :) Your help is so appreciated here. :)

Big Head Prawn!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I just realise the reason why my callus hasn't gotten any better despite using the callus remover plaster!!!!!!!!! I've been sticking the plaster (left side) THINKING that it will attack my callus because of the medicated salicylic acid, right? But to hell with it!!!!!!!!! I just realised the salicylic acid is in a different package (right side) Who in the world can get as BLUR, DUMB AND TOOOTTT as me? WHO?!?! tell me?? i can't believe this!!!!! so frustrating. And Xiu Hua's friend, a podiatrist in the making, gave me a great consultation last night and i didn't even realise that i haven't been applying it properly. *boo hoo hoo* i feel like taking out my brain and slamp it onto the wall. and see it being squashed! :(

enough, enough. at least i realised it. so, it is NEVER too late. Just applied it the correct way. If not, come thursday, i will go to the podiatrist near my place and get the thick callus removed. argh!!

Today, i woke up with sharp pain of "gastricism". Had Po Chai Yin. rested for a while and went to school. This 2 months, i broke the record of eating 1 whole box of Po Chai Yin. I hope i won't get immuned to it, it is such a wonderful remedy. :P

Okay...sian balls (A term I got influence from my sister, apparently she learnt it from Shui Sheng) It means, being frustrated with something despite trying so many times and still fail. This is what i'm feeling right now. Anyways, i will polish up the balls so that it won't be so dull anymore.

Off to draft my patterns. Btw, Big Head Prawns in Canton means....being blur.

One of the good nights alone

Being very determined to cook the chicken which i took it out of the freezer since Saturday, I went straight to make my dinner once i got home. Luckily, it was still fresh. Quite proud of myself because i resisted the temptation of having it easy by Peter's "Want to go Stones?" Stonestown is a shopping mall near my place. but, nah...

And, my housemate made soup, i "cope" (took in Singlish) 1 big bowl!!! It was some Mexican noodle soup with chicken. It was good. This dinner is considered a good meal, according to my "live alone meals" standards.



The callus under my left foot is getting worse. It has thicken so much that it hurts to put little pressure when i walk. I bought more callus remover pads with salicylic acid. Xiu Hua-my long time friend who is pursuing nursing in Mel is helping me get advice from her friend, a podiatry. :) I'm going to give it 1 more month, or else i'm going under the knife.

Today one of the founders of "Enyce" http://www.enyce.com/ came to my school to give a talk about his clothing company. But surprisingly, he didn't present much stuff on his business. Instead, he was talking about his life, how his personality and values helped him in surviving in the throat cutting industry. His keys to success.
1) Have leadership
2) Know what you don't know
3) Endings are beginnings
4) Love what you do!!!
5) You have to produce results
6) Don't be afraid to think big, take risks and make commitments
7) Have a belief
8) Trust others, Trust yourself
9) Seek help from others when you don't know
10) Generology = Give back to the world
11) Don't take things personally. 10% is what you do, AND 90% is your reaction to the situation.
12) Be the gardener to your garden. Have pure seeds, so that you can cultivate pure thoughts.

and finally, he left us with this poem which i think is inspiring..


Autobiography in Five Short Chapters

By Portia Nelson

Chapter I

I walk down the street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I fall in
I am lost . . . I am helpless
It isn’t my fault.
It takes forever to find a way out.

Chapter II

I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I pretend I don’t see it.
I fall in again.
I can’t believe I am in the same place.
But, it isn’t my fault.
It still takes a long time to get out.

Chapter III

I walk down the same street
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I see it is there.
I still fall in . . . it’s a habit.
My eyes are open.
I know where I am.
It is my fault.
I get out immediately.

Chapter IV

I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I walk around it.

Chapter V

I walk down another street.

Simple, yet beautiful....:)

Goood day!

I woke up this morning feeling great. I haven't felt like that in a long time. Maybe the sangria did a good job. I don't know? We went to catch a movie last night.Me and Jo at the Century. We watched "The Departed". I didn't get the chance to see "Wu Jian Dao" so it was hard to get into the movie at the beginning, with their accent and speaking thick slang. and lots of "Mother Fucker"...haha. but I sort of caught on and my heart was racing so quick for Leonardo-the good guy when he was up at the roof top with Damon. It is amazing how movies can make you feel what they want you to feel just by sitting on that chair. Jack did his role so well. I love his acting!! :) can't wait to catch Marie Antionette next week.

to do list on a Sunday:
1) Get Zheng Gu Water from Pacific Supermarket. think i sprained my calf muscles somehow..
2) Thank god, i did my laundry already.
3) Clean the stain infested stove. really disgusting
4) Finish reading Aesthetics and the Renaissance.
5) 2 more garments to be drawn on Illustrator.
6) Study for buying classs midterm on Tuesday.
......
....
...
...
....... and the list goes on and on...

YiYi

I just finished watching this simple yet beautiful film by Edward Yang, YiYi. Set in the 90s, based in Taiwan on a family of 4. It tells us different stories. How each member takes on their own routes in life which will mold them individually. They aren't as connected as a family physically very much, but emotionally, they seem to be strong and always there for each other. The movie is quite long, might be due to the detailing work the director went into for each character.

Power of your mind...

The vent behind the skirt wasn't so bad after all. (thought to be the hardest part) I told my subconcious mind that I will be able to figure it out after studying the sample and sure enough, it was a breeze, i was so proud of myself! it didn't take so long to get it out either. The Power of your Subconcious mind. Very powerful. U reap what you sow. A positive seed will result in amazing conditions. and the feeling of being surrounded with such positive energy is immensely wonderful. It is quite weak at the moment, but i want to see it grow. :)

Today, my design class went for a mini field trip to Nordstrom-a departmental store near school. Victor & Rolf, Dutch designers are in town for the launch of their perfume "Flowerboom". It caused quite a hype with the girls in my class. To me, i'm neutral. If it was Tanya Chua or j.j., it might be a different story. :P My design teacher Sara Kowloski had to purchase the perfume, in order for us to line up and meet them. $100+++ My classmate asked them a question "what can us, young students, do to survive in this throat cutting industry?" "BE original!, everybody is copying other designers and everything look so the same, be original and create something of your own. Be Yourself." Think this is the most worth while thing to be there. :)

it is 6pm on a Friday night. I've got nothing planned tonight. I'm waiting for something exciting to happen. It won't be as great as last week but i'm still excited. Maybe being alone is exciting. I wish i can have something Chinese tonight for dinner. The bok choy I got from the groceries is hard to cook. What should i have then? Udon ? I feel like going Aunt's.....

i am feeling so much better....

I took out the jade bangle yesterday. Last night, when i took my late night shower. superstitiously, i felt that it is this piece of jade that has cast a bad spell for me over the past 2 months. Sorry mom. i don't mean anything bad, just superstitiouly. i had to be rushed to hospital 1 monday night, due to some bladder infection problem, and couldn't move on the next tuesday morning due to bad period cramps. What's more? I missed 2 days of school, missed pattern drafting demos and felt so left behind in school work. Have you all experience the excitement of completing a project but at the last min, found out you screw up something very badly and have to re-do the whole thing? yes, i mean RE-DO. I went through that on Monday too. i just feel that this semester is not going towards the light. the brighter light.

But, today, i feel that good things are coming my way. I re did my skirt, and is satisfied with the results. I finally felt in control during Computers for Fashion class. And lastly, to end this night with a fantastic note, i met this girl. She's French, an exchange student from my school, a senior, who lives 10 mins away from me. was working late today in the lab, and didn't want to go home alone. so i approached her, and asked her if she wants to go home together with me. and yes..blah blah..chat chat...nice girl. really. she offered me to stay over her house whenever i am so late. i reached hom at 11:45pm. its not so bad, but my neighbourhood is really nasty at night. not suitable to walk alone. :( but......

i'll cross my fingers. and hope positive things will come my way....i deserve a break. really.

A found soul in San Francisco

I've been trying to explore this blogger's features and also how to "zng" (modify) it to make it more personal. however, i'm too cyber-space illiterate that i'll push it to later. Maybe i'll consult Gary's help later part of the month when he won't be facing more Monster Weeks. Maybe, if i still motivated to update my blog. been having an affair with my beloved Illustrator. Been practicing vector drawing whole week and i'm really getting the hang of it. From frustration, to getting front-back flats in less that an hour. :) still pathetic, but the amount of confidence i've achieve is great. i'm amazed that the kind of art work illustrator can produce. I just wish to develop the same kind of confidence for drafting patterns and sewing garments.

Peter's dad is in town yesterday. I think he's going to stay for at least 1 month. :) hopefully they will spend quality time together as a family together since they sort of missed each other during the Summer break. :) and as for me, i going to read this book "The Power of your Subconcious Mind". Will pick it up at the library before i head to school. I need to get my mind going towards the postive direction. :) Start gyming.~

the very 1st entry

The Good Earth by Pearl S. Buck. A Chinese peasant family, started off simple, poor yet happy. And ended with the realities of life when one becomes rich. Unfilial, petty arguments and unsatisfied with life. It disgusted me, especially reading how wasteful humans become when they have more than what they need. A good book to go through, you can still learn much from their experiences. :)